Hello Stranger.

Inspired by WongFuPro -"Strangers Again".

Photo by Elia Pellegrini on Unsplash, Edited by me.

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Some letters that you can no longer send out, yet they were all the intimate and real feelings that back then we didn't have the courage to put into words.

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Hello stranger,

You have a pretty face, admirable features, and a pleasant smile. I wish to get to know you better, all about your past, present and future. I approached you with a smile I deemed to be acceptable - not too enthusiastic nor overwhelming - and talked to you. As I have presumed, you were kind, easily sociable and relatable. We slowly got to know each other better, our downs and what truly matter to us. I am ever so grateful that I thought I have met my soulmate, we had so many heart to heart talks, raw emotions that no one yet could relate, I thank the god every day to have met you - and that you found me. You'd always tell me how appreciative you were of me being your listening ear, and me being there for you - hey, just so you know that, I am so flattered and I wished to be there for you too.

But we stop talking. The frequent texting turns into 'blue ticks'. The ever-so-promising "you are my best friend" becomes the unspoken and broken promises like poison seeping into the well of trust in our relationship. You begin to disappear from my life and eventually the documentation of our friendship on social media were wiped — as though our memories gone with that.

It is strange to lose a friend, but it felt even stranger that all the effort to get to know someone merely is just that - it does not matter.

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Hello stranger,

I love you at first sight. You looked shy, quiet with your occasional firm and darting gazes. But I was attracted to your voice, your vigour and your resolution. Anyhow, you caught me off guard and I just wanted to know you better. I was so sure we can get to know each other well and build some form of trust. You told me "I don't know you well", and I was angry - what do you mean? And how naive I was. Of course, knowing someone is difficult as it is, and well, it is a long way to go.

You told me you have two younger sisters and you are the oldest. You told me that you are going to Iceland. You told me that "you are not dumb". You told me to work hard. You told me that finding a job is simple in step 1,2 and 3. You told me where you would be working at. You told me you are thinking of me.

It was a blessing to get to know someone new - you, but yet again it erodes me from the inside when we become strangers again. It makes me doubt - is there a point anymore to the desire then to get to know you? The freshness, the curiosity and the mystery of someone. I want to know you so bad, yet I was often reciprocated with more silence than all the answers I have ever gotten.

Getting to know you was out of love for you, and walking away from you and refrain from asking "how's your day?" was out of love for myself.

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Hello stranger,

Remember I used to think we might have a chance. Because you were tall, kind-hearted, noob but nice. Our conversations were light, peaceful, and it was easy to get to know you. I just can never forget when you told me about your first crush endeavour, it is plain hilarious. How could she have been gay!? Good lord, you found out and moved on.

I remember I got such a huge flutter when you texted me and asked if I wanted to take a module together, it got my hopes up. You gave me so many gifts, took care of me when I wasn't my best, when I was cruel to myself, and took on a lot of load on me. You were there for me.

I was a coward, I dare not say I am deserving of all that kindness because I was not aware of all that generosity and care were not unconditional. It was a blessing to have you. Yet, we did not stay in contact, no longer. And I have always known somehow, that becoming strangers some day was meant to be. I have to say, I was a fool to have thought that we can always stay as friend. Or rather, friendship would become fleeting when too much truth exposed and too much expectation untold.

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It has dawned on me that people, relationship, friendship are all fleeting, they are like fireworks - only for the moment. The more I find myself attracted to the new and fresh things or people, because I never knew 'new' life, the more detached I become. Why am I spending so much time wanting to know people to end up feeling caught up with rejections or simply feeling drained from sustaining all the friendships. Eventually, all the get-to-know becomes sheer effort for the moment but nothing into the long future.

People come and go for sure, and there is blessing in this too - you wouldn't want to be around some people for too long. Yet, it is so dreadful, that any encounters, any journey or any coincidences may never have an outcome, may never last more than a season. The possibility that all the effort, all the heartache will eventually become particles of memory of time - insignificant to the present. Then why do I hurt so much? Why do I beat myself up? Why do I even bother giving?

--- to the beautiful memories I had with my beloved strangers and to our bravery to continue to seek connections, hopefully one day they will be more than get-to-know.